Denial and sweet Anna

I give Jerid all the credit in his health care. His hospital stays have become fewer during the years we have been together.  For some reason though he still tries to give me credit. I cannot and will not accept that. He does the stuff he needs to on his own.

During another hospital stay one of the RTs came in to do one of his treatments and talked to him about a meeting they had earlier that morning. Jerid and I were online chatting and this is how our conversation went:

Jerid: I guess I was one of the topics in the CF meeting today

Jerid: the "main" topics

Jerid: according to Steve

Rachel: why is that?

Jerid: I guess 3 or 4 years ago I was in 8 times in one year... and then 5 the next year and 5 last year...

Jerid: they said either he's more conscience about taking care of himself or his wife takes really good care of him... more people agreed with the second one

Jerid: I agreed with it too

Rachel: LOL stop it

Rachel: you do it on your own

Jerid: you helped me to get that way

Rachel: you did it yourself honey... all you... I just cheered you on is all

Jerid: and my overall pfts have improved... even though I’ve been in the same amount of times the past two years

Rachel: good job baby I’m very proud of you

Jerid: I still stand by what I said though... I couldn't have done it without you... and for that I thank you baby... very much

Rachel: you did it on your own... no need to thank me

Rachel: you’re in the spot light not me

Jerid: honey... it's not just me saying it though...

Rachel: stop please

Jerid: everyone else has noticed

Rachel: it’s you all you

Jerid: quit being so modest

Jerid: lol

Rachel: I’m not

Rachel: you did it

Jerid: not by myself.....

Rachel: all I did was cheer you on honey

Jerid: honey... you helped whether you want to admit it to yourself or not

Rachel: no it was all you

Jerid ok... you tell yourself that... but on the inside you know it's true

Rachel: nope it’s you center stage honey and I’m just your biggest fan

Jerid: ok

Rachel: you make me proud... don’t ever give up

Rachel: if I accept what you just told me then how do you think I’m gonna feel after you’re gone? Like I failed...

Jerid: no... you added that much more time to my life honey

Rachel: so it was all you

Jerid: fine... lets compromise here... it was good efforts on both our parts

Rachel: no it was all you

After that we went onto a different subject. It still is hard for me to accept that there is a chance that we will not be able to grow old together.

I do what I can to raise awareness about CF. I have a myspace.com and a facebook.com account. I post or repost videos and other CF related stuff. Suzanne, who I talked about earlier, posted a video about a little girl named Anna who was 8 years old and fighting CF. Poor Anna was losing that fight and yet she still smiled. Cystic Fibrosis may wear out a body but it cannot break the spirit. I noticed Suzanne had also commented on the link of Anna's story she posted and her comment read "This video may not have the happy ending you want to see but this is cf's reality. People tell me to post only uplifting stories but I will not candy coat CF. Too many people are still dying from this disease every day. And until I am no longer here to do it or until there is a cure I will continue to post all aspects of Cf." After sitting and thinking about what people were telling her to do when it came to posting CF stuff, this was my response "I have seen 2 happy endings (you and Tonya) and I have also see what CF can do (breathe easy Mary and Mindy)... Next time someone tries to tell you to post uplifting candy coated CF videos let me know and I'll have Jerid cough up a good one and tell them to try and candy coat that... lol Seriously though CF isn’t something to be taken lightly... It’s horrible and heartbreaking and knows how to break the bank." It really is. I watched Anna's story with a heavy heart. Even the news reporter who did her story was having a hard time. She didn't think she could finish the news broadcast but for Anna she somehow found the strength and told the viewers that little Anna had passed away. So young and full of life and this horrible disease just takes over and yet little Anna still fought it. Breathe easy Anna, you brave CF sweetheart