Inside my walls

Well the time came when I had to leave my home. It was not a very good day. I was surprised to see who the first person was who jumped to help me. Jerid. Right there asking me what he could do to help me. WOW! That really stood out to me. It caught me off guard actually and I did question his intentions. "There could not be any possibility that he was just there to help me. What does he want?" I thought to myself. He helped me get my things and never complained once. It was like he was happy to be helping me.

Now that I was no longer living in the same home as my soon-to-be-ex husband, Jerid wanted to take me out on a date. I can hear the gasping and judgments now. "You're not divorced and you are already dating!"  Yes I know that. I was there. I have not spilled the details for my divorce because that is personal between my first husband and me. I hope people will respect that. Anyways, when we had our first date I told him "Just so you know I'm never going to get married again." Jerid smiled and said "It's okay because I never want to get married." It was a relief to get that off my chest and out of the way but yet I was shocked because I thought that would scare him away.

Before I knew it we were officially dating. "Whoa what happened here?" I thought to myself. I only wanted to be friends with this man but there was something about him that caught my eye. I did not know what it was and curiosity got the best of me so I went along with it. I really did like Jerid. He was a great guy and he seemed to have a special interest in me that no one has ever had before. He paid attention to me more than I realized. During the early start to our relationship he would want to know what was on my mind. Well I'm stubborn and didn't want to tell him what was on my mind. I was happy within my walls where I knew I was not going to get hurt by anyone. It was safe for me, lonely but safe. At this time I was trying to figure out what went wrong in my last marriage and blaming myself for everything that had happened even though when my ex and I talked we did not blame each other for the dissolve of our marriage. We still blamed ourselves. Jerid knew what I was thinking about. He just wanted me to feel comfortable enough to go to him about it. He waited patiently until I was.

I had noticed that Jerid would always wink at me. It was a sweet gesture and I loved it when he did that. Well one day I was cleaning chicken and for some reason a movie was running through my mind about a farm boy and a maiden. The farm boy would say "As you wish" after the maiden would have him do something for her. Then it dawned on me what those winks meant. They meant I love you. After that epiphany I decided to ask Jerid himself what he was meaning by that. I needed to know. We were talking and he asked me what I thought he meant by it. I told him "I am not going to say it first". I refused. Have I mentioned that I'm a Leo? Stubborn and hard headed. Yep that is me at times and it doesn’t help that I'm a woman either. Anyways, after about half an hour I told him I will not say it first because I was not going to say something that would not get returned. He just smiled at me, kissed my forehead and told me it was okay to tell him how I felt. It took me a few tries because I was scared of the reaction I was going to get from him. So trusting him a little bit I closed my eyes, took a big breath and looked him in the eyes and said the three little words I swore I would never say first. I love you.

They say that the eyes are the window to the soul and I seen things, beautiful things that day when I looked deep into his eyes. I cannot describe them. All I can say is I felt safe and knew he would not hurt me and would keep me protected. More protected than the walls I built for myself and I didn't have to be lonely anymore.