Our new life together

We would find things to do to plan the wedding. It really made the stay go by faster. At one point we actually got all the invitations stuffed and stamped. They were ready for the mail! WOOHOO!!! We had given the 2 East staff an invitation as well and they hung it up in their break room. I see it as they were Jerid’s other family and play a big part in his life.

Our wedding day came at last! I was so nervous. I had this insane thought in my head that I would walk out and Jerid would be gone. He would have changed his mind. I slipped a little bit down one step. I am not so graceful. As I gathered my cool from my little slip, I walked down the stairs and I saw him. He looked so handsome in is tuxedo.  The man I will spend the rest of my life with. I walked down the aisle arm in arm with my daddy and all I could see was Jerid. My soul mate. My handsome 65 roses.

Being a mother, as most mothers do, I have this "got to make them better" instinct. I get frustrated because I know I cannot make him better. I have this fear that I will wake up and he would be gone. His CF had taken him during the night. The thought haunts me daily and in my sleep. I could choose to let it consume be but then I would be wasting so many happy times with Jerid. That would not be fair to either of us or the children who have grown to love him.

I use to sit and think and at times I would get angry and sometimes I would cry. How could such a wonderful man have such an ugly disease? It doesn't seem fair but nothing in life is fair really. So instead of sitting around worrying about what's going to happen next with Jerid, I would sit and write. God knows that sitting around and making yourself a nervous wreck over something that you cannot fix or change is not good for ones wellbeing. These are just a few I have written when I sat down to write:

Blessed Curse

I had an idea from the articles I've read,

The thought of his last breath lingers my head.

Be by his side, cherish, honor and love.

I pray day after day to God above,

"I knew what I was up against when I said 'I DO!'

"Let us grow old hand in hand, us two!"

I know there's a chance this cannot be.

The very thought of it tears my heart from me.

So I sit here cursing damned Cystic Fibrosis,

And loving my husband, My handsome 65 Roses.

Life hope

A mother sits with a heavy heart

As her world starts to fall apart

She keeps vigil beside the crib

Knowing what lurks beneath her babes rib

She prays quietly with a heart full of sorrow

"Please God" she says, "just one more tomorrow"

She can't explain the pain or the hurt

She just sits and holds her life’s greatest work

Her babe has now grown to a man

There's someone new, he makes his life plan

He and his sweetheart will be wed

She will now stand vigil over his bed

A wife and a mother now share the same hope

They have each other to help them both cope

She'll hold his hand tight and make it through

She meant what she said when she promised "I do"

Bittersweet

An ugly disease and a beautiful man

To keep him healthy I'll do what I can

The first time we met he stole my heart

My goal, death and him, keep them apart

There's four he has now to tuck into bed

The son who couldn't wait for us to wed

Three daughters he promised to walk down the aisle

In the life I hope he has a long while

I know he and death will surely meet

In the end, sadly, will be bittersweet

Until then my sweetheart please do your best

When they find a cure is when I will rest

I'm with you my love cross my heart

I'm by your side, till death do us part

You're giving CF a really good fight

CF, I hope there's a cure in sight